Life is crazy

I look at photos from a few years ago and i see the smiles and i wonder if i will feel the same again at that moment, some photos are with people that i will never see again. or some are places that i havent been to in years, and the memories all come back and make me laugh and cry and feel things that i thought were over, but nothing is ever done and over with is it? Does the laughing and the smiles stop? And does the pain a tears eventually just stop. I was sitting at a stop light today and thought thats how life is. Green and you just move and move but then it comes to a Yellow and people start to slow or speed up, but eventually the light turns RED and other people get to go... thats how it is, while you are stoppped others are going ahead. And its going so fast you can barley stop to really think unless your there for that 30 seconds. It comes to me in a blur. And i think to myself will i ever be able to see clearly again? because life seemed so care free when i was 5 but that was years ago and in 3 in a half years im turning the big 18. And i want to enjoy the next few years but i cant see it. Everyone says that it goes by so fast. but isnt life already moving a rocket speed? How much faster can life go? How many days do you get to lay in the sun and be care free? When you dont have to worry about a boyfriend or a bill or homework sitting at your kitchen table wating for your pen to fill its empty pages and be graded on. Life is like a grade. You get grades on your clothes and your house, your friends and you income where you travel how you look how you live your life, I think thats what people are afraid to live they are afraid to be graded. And thats what i am afraid of getting the wrong grade on life. People say you shouldnt care what people think, but thats only if its a bad thing that saying doesnt go both ways if i said "wow you look amazing" people would be like thank you and smile but if i said "Ummm you should change, you look fat in that" people would get angery and upset and be mad. Life is crazy and these are just random thoughts... that i hope one day will be answered...